Secret Santa
by hallucogenic
Summary: Christmas is really the season of giving. Iruka and Kakashi are about to find out just how much. Slight AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Hello everyone. I know I haven't updated _Cuisine_ in a while and I wanted to let you'll know that I haven't forgotten it. I was bitten by the Christmas bug and Kakashi and Iruka are such a joy to write about when all you want to experience are fuzzy feelings. I plan to finish this fic before the Christmas Season is done, although I can't promise you'll anything. Thank you for taking the time out to read this fic and do give me pointers about how I can improve. Please leave a review at the end; I can't write if I feel like there is nobody who would like to read my work. Thank you so much once again and may you all be touched by the Christmas spirit.

**Secret Santa**

**Title:** Secret Santa  
**Author:** hallucogenic  
**Rating:** M (Mature Audience)  
**Summary:** Deck the halls with balls of holly.  
**Content/Warnings:** (Yaoi, Homosexual relationships)  
**Feedback:** Do drop a line or two. Please do not read this fic if you are going to give me grief about it later. Thank you.  
**Distribution:** I must ask that you please do not download or post my fics to other sites. Thank you.  
**Spoilers:** Contains no spoilers.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot.

**Chapter 1**

"People! Get your asses in here." Snapped a short-tempered and obviously hung-over Tsunade. "File in one by one and don't raise the levels of your voices or the shuffling of feet as you enter. The faster we get this over with, the faster I can go back to sleep."

As slowly as they could, various chunin and jounin entered the room on literal tippy toes and shot furtive looks at their Hokage. It was very unusual for the Godaime to call all the chunin and jounin together. It made them not only fear for their lives but it did make them wonder whether this was the day she would finally snap and grind their bones to make her bread. Or sake, in her case.

After the last reluctant pair of feet had entered her room, Tsunade stood up and towered over her desk. "In the spirit of Christmas," she glared at all of them nastily, "I have had a brilliant idea. Or rather, Jiraiya-sama has had a brilliant idea." She paused for effect.

Faces around her winced and flinched. Everyone remembered what had happened the last time she had a brilliant idea. No one could forget their very drunken and inebriated Godaime cupping her own generous, over-flowing bosom and singing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts" at the top of her voice. She then proceeded to order all the male chunin and jounin present at the Halloween party to henge into their female counterparts using the Sexy no Jutsu, grab their own bountiful bosoms and join her in the lusty caterwauling.

Their memories must have somehow translated onto their faces, because the Godaime bellowed, "Not something so revealing this time. Although, I do remember more than half of the sexy population liking their massive mammaries." She added with a leer.

Uncomfortable shifting on feet and red faces took place all around and the Hokage ignored it and carried on. "Leaving all that aside, the real reason for all of you'll have been summoned here is because Jiraiya-sama has decided, with my permission, to organize a Secret Santa."

Terrified yet blank faces met this announcement. "It is a Christmas tradition and these past few years have familiarized you all with that beautiful festive season, I'm sure" She subtly threatened.

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Came her obedient and beautifully submissive herd's reply.

"Brilliant! You all make me so proud." The faces of her jounin and chunin did not look reassured. "I'm going to explain what Secret Santa is. Jiraiya-sama has decided to help you all as it progresses. Now, I want everyone to listen very carefully to my explanation as it is not going to be repeated. Don't make me throw my empty sake bottles at your heads." Her eyes swept over the room, pausing for a minute to rest on the recently re-banded Team 7.

"It is a tradition that has gone on for quite a long time; however I had to tweak it a bit before I thought I could present it to you all. The original Secret Santa tradition goes something like this: everybody gathers around and writes their name on a chit of paper and then throws the chit into a bowl. Someone shakes up the bowl so that the order of the chits get mixed up and then each person is given a chance to remove one chit from the bowl and read the name written on it. If you get your own name, you show it to the person in charge of the bowl and you get to pick another chit. However, if the chit you pick is not your name but somebody else's, that person becomes your Christmas Child and you become their Secret Santa. You are not allowed to exchange names if you pick a person you dislike." Tsunade narrowed her eyes dangerously. "You keep the identity of your Christmas Child a secret and every day, or whenever it strikes your fancy, you give them little gifts to show them that you care for them and that you think of them. There is no specific number of gifts that one must give nor does it have to be overly expensive or showy; just something small that comes from the heart and shows the other person how fond you are of them. This goes on till the 24th of December. On that day, you will have to reveal yourself to your Christmas Child and give them a gift worth remembering. That is all."

The tittering that was coming from the crowd in front of her was making her wish that she could shut the whole lot of them up by gluing their lips together. She could already hear Naruto get all excited about being a Secret Santa to some poor fool and Tsunade had to grit her teeth and hope to God that her empty sake bottle wasn't within reach. Sighing, Tsunade lifted a hand up and gestured for silence. She could already feel the beginnings of a massive headache just around her temples that were waiting to beat her skull into mush. "I'm not done yet. This is the original way it's played. We are going to be playing a slightly different version." Her pained grin turned into a leer. "After all, I am the Hokage of a Hidden Village full of ninjas; I don't think we get to play by the normal rules of anything over here." She relished the paranoid looks that people were beginning to flash to their neighbors and felt distinctively vindictive.

"I have altered the game of Secret Santa and Christmas Child that we will be playing. Since you'll are ninjas, I have had to keep in mind things like chakra, stealth, cunning, tracking, torture and interrogation," she glanced a sly smile at Ibiki who was looking decidedly more stoic and chilling in the past few minutes, "and I have decided that we will be playing Secret Santa the ninja way."

She pointed to a fishbowl on her desk that was giving off a pink hue of chakra. "Shizune has placed chits in the bowl that contain everyone's name who is present in the room including myself and Jiraiya-sama." Her eye gave a decidedly manic twitch at this. "But before you pick up chits from this bowl, I must enlighten you on a few points. Firstly, a jutsu has been placed on this bowl so that whoever picks from it will most definitely not get their own name. Secondly, the minute your eyes read the name on the paper, you cannot look at the person for a full minute, because of course, as we all know; looking at a person immediately after picking their name out of a bowl is a dead giveaway. Thirdly, you will not be able to tell anyone the name of your Christmas Child, you'll maybe ninjas but your mouths are looser that a pair of elephant ears. Fourthly, handwriting will be distorted so that you do not recognize the hand of your Secret Santa. Fifthly, you will not give a present that is in anyway harmful, hurtful or downright disrespectful to your Christmas Child, if you do so, the jutsu will judge your actions accordingly and give you an appropriate amount of punishment according to the amount of harm inflicted on the Christmas Child, emotionally, physically or mentally. Kami knows I'm not putting myself through this just to watch each of you tear each other's throats out." She took in a deep breath. "Lastly, if this doesn't go as planned and I don't see a bit of bonhomie and camaraderie between all my chunin and jounin, I will personally see to it that each and every one of you undertake a sixth month mission, if not less. Am I clear?" she barked.

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Came the meek replies.

"Hokage-sama?" a steady voice trying not to show the bit of tremulousness beneath it questioned her. "Yes, Sakura." The Hokage sighed and turned to face her apprentice. "Why are we doing this now, Shishou?" she asked bravely and to the point. Tsunade mentally noted that the girl had learnt her fearsome temper too well and knew that she hated stuttering and weakness in the middle of her rages.

"Because Sakura, I lost a bet with Jiraiya-sama and I have to now pay the price for my lost gamble." A few voices groaned and a few more remembered that the Halloween party had also been hosted at the expense of their poor Hokage's losing streak. "More like we have to pay the price now." A voice muttered resentfully in the crowd.

"I know exactly who that voice belonged to." Tsunade stood to her fullest, palms apart resting on the table and her golden eyes flashed fire. "You all are going to undertake this as you would a mission; with determination, fortitude and the will of fire. If I even so much so sniff," at this she raised her head and took an obliging sniff, looking like a big, golden cat waiting for the smell of fear and blood, "uncooperative, difficult and stubborn behavior from any of you, you will be demoted to the position of genin for a period of four months if not more." Her fierce expression grew as her face tilted upwards, daring one of her subordinates to go against her authority. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Came the dutiful reply.

"Good." she replied, "Besides, I wouldn't want my ninjas to celebrate Christmas this year without interacting with each other and spreading the love and joy." Her eyes softened. "We all deserve this break, especially after all the trials and tribulations we have gone through. I would think that spending time with family, friends and loved ones would be a good thing once in a while. However, I also know that you all would never take it seriously unless and until it would be a mission. Thus, I assigned all of you one. Make your Christmas Child happy and be the best Secret Santa that you could possibly be." Her lips widened in grin. "So please come forward in a line to my desk and pick up a chit. Make yourselves quick, I haven't got all day. The minute you read the chit, the name will be imprinted onto your mind and the paper will flare up. I made sure that no one could tell me that they had forgotten the name of their Secret Santa."

A long queue formed in front of the Hokage's desk as chunin and jounin came forward to pick up a chit. Once they had picked one up, they opened it to read the name of the person. On more than one occasion, the person's eyes would widen slightly before trying their hardest to look at the owner of the name within the chit. The fact that they couldn't, made the Godaime chuckle infuriatingly. More than one person that stepped up to the Hokage's desk wondered whether the Hokage was a closet sadist.

As the line continued walking up to the desk, the Hokage sighed and remembered the bet that had taken place that had started this complete mess.

"_Dammit Tsunade! Every time I think it's a good idea to get you drunk and hopefully take delicious advantage of you, you prove me wrong." A highly drunk and whiny Toad Sage grumbled. "One would think that you're liver and alcohol tolerance would get smaller with age, yet as usual you live to prove me wrong." One bleary eye viewed her gigantic bosom with such undisguised greed._

"_You should know by now that trying to ply me with sake to get me to do your bidding is only ruining you further. I have had more than enough practice with you. Not only can I formidably withstand the effects but I also become much sharper when you are involved." She boasted drunkenly and eloquently. "Anyways, what is the bet this time?"_

"_Why would you say bet, Tsunade? You of all people should know that I don't want to bet against you for anything. After all, you do lose every time." Jiraiya smiled suggestively._

"_Stop with your antics, Jiraiya." The blonde snapped. "It's the same routine every single time. You try to get me drunk and when that fails, you place a bet knowing I'm going to lose but my pride doesn't allow me to back down so I end up taking the bet and losing anyway. What is it this time?"_

_The white-haired man looked at her with a twinkle in his eye. "Ah Tsunade! It's nice to know that you pay attention even when drunk. However, for this bet, the stakes are a little high." _

"_What are they?" The impulsive woman asked. _

"_I bet that I can make you fall in love with me."_

_Shocked silence met this status, before the glassy-eyed woman started laughing hard. "Really Jiraiya! I expected a level of stupidity but not that much either." She continued to laugh while the Toad Sage grinned at her unapologetically. "What are the stakes?"_

"_If I win," the Toad Sage said gamely, "then I have obviously won my prize already. But if I lose, I won't ever bother you again except to drop by on official business." _

_Tsunade paused in mid-laugh. "Really?" she asked cautiously. "Well! I bet that I could never fall in love with you." She was surprised that Jiraiya would wage a bet with such high stakes against her, but who was she to complain? This was the only form of entertainment that she had these days, as Shizune kept a very strict eye over her gambling tendencies. The fact that he was so confident in making her fall in love with him was beginning to rankle her. But she would humor him. After all, it wasn't every day that Tsunade was able to win her bets so easily. "Fine! How do we go about it?" she asked. _

"_Have you heard of this game called Secret Santa? Of course, we would have to alter it a bit…."_

As her memory trailed off, Tsunade looked around the room. All the jounin and chunin were now looking at each other uncomfortably. "I see that everyone has picked a name and knows their Christmas Child." She glanced at Kiba Inuzuka, who was looking decidedly pale, the markings on his cheeks standing out starkly against the fair skin. "The game begins now and I suggest all of you to get a move on and spread peace, love and joy, as well as the Christmas Spirit." She gave them all a gummy smile and wave. "Dismissed."

As the many shuffle of feet left her room, Tsunade wondered for the first time, whether she was going to regret the bet.

Iruka couldn't believe his eyes.

_Hatake Kakashi _

_Oh Kami!_ thought Iruka frantically_, out of everyone my stupid hand could have chosen to pick, it just had to be Kakashi-sensei!_

He tried to turn and look at the Copy-nin only to find his eyes stuck furiously to the paper. He looked at the offending chit and growled, before the paper started to smoke and went up in flames. The small residue of ash fell to the floor. He glumly looked at it for a while more and then finally turned and moved his head to that Kakashi was in his line of sight. Out of every one he could have chosen to pick, he was stuck with Kakashi-sensei. He studied the profile of the man before him. A shock of silver hair, angled at a gravity-defying slant. One dark grey eye stood out, with the rest of his face covered in a black mask. The man oozed subtle threat and danger in a very attractive passage and Iruka was petrified. How in the world was he supposed to be a Secret Santa to the famous copy-nin? He didn't even know the first thing about him! Iruka racked his brains trying to remember bits and pieces about the jounin. He knew that the man was a child prodigy who was extremely eccentric, read orange porn in public, had a posse of dogs and had little idiosyncrasies like arriving hours later for a mission and making up the most unbelievable lies when he tried to get himself out of a hard corner. Iruka remembered this because he had once treated Naruto to ramen after coming back from a mission and he had to sit through three hours of the blond's whining about how Kakashi-sensei had made an appearance three hours after they were assigned the mission when they were supposed to leave early and then tell Team 7 that he had been helping an old lady cross the road to get her cat down from a tree on the opposite side.

Iruka sighed. So much for trying to stay alive before Christmas. If he had Kakashi as his Christmas Child, he had to do some serious reconnaissance before trying to give him a gift. Sighing with these morose thoughts, Iruka moved towards the Hokage's door.

Kakashi stared at the honey-skinned man in the corner. Iruka Umino. Star of Kakashi's less-than-innocent fantasies involving mud-wrestling, honey and chocolate, and sensory deprivation. Also, his Christmas Child. Kakashi gave a little grin. He loved the sound of that. _His_ Christmas Child. The fact that it had Christmas as well as Child in the phrase made Kakashi ridiculously happy.

He studied the tanned face in the corner. His delicious little chunin was trying his hardest to look away from the paper. Kakashi sighed. He knew that it was the effects of the jutsu acting up. Thick, dark strands of hair were pulled up into a hair tie on top of his head, giving Kakashi the perfect view of his toffee-colored neck. Kakashi groaned. It was so hard to try and reign in his response of wanting to sink his teeth into the warm nape of the other man's neck. The lone eye roved across the younger man's face and settled at his scar on the bridge of his nose. Kakashi wanted to lick that strip of flesh so badly; his mouth was starting to water. He knew for a fact that Iruka's scar was extremely sensitive. He had watched the tanned man, one too many times, pinch the bridge of his nose on the scarred flesh and instinctively relax. Suddenly, he saw Iruka tense up and turned his face away to look at a wall just in time.

He felt a curious gaze sweep across him and internally sighed. Of course, Kakashi wouldn't admit it, but the thought of his small chunin getting somebody else as his Christmas Child made his heart wrench painfully. He desperately wanted to know who had the privilege of becoming his object of desire's Christmas Child but Kakashi knew that the jutsu would prevent that. _That damn Tsunade was far too smart for her own good_, he thought. Nevertheless, Kakashi was going to be the best Secret Santa that Iruka had ever had and he was going to make this Christmas the most special on for his honey-colored chunin. He was going to definitely make sure of that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** This is the second chapter of this fic. Thank you so much for reading. I hope I did a good job. Please give me little ideas or plot-twists you think should be added. Please leave a review so I get the encouragement to write. Thank you.

* * *

**Secret Santa**

**Title:** Secret Santa  
**Author:** hallucogenic  
**Rating:** M (Mature Audience)  
**Summary:** Christmas is really the season of giving. Iruka and Kakashi are about to find out just how much. Slight AU.  
**Content/Warnings:** (Yaoi, Homosexual relationships)  
**Feedback:** Do drop a line or two. Please do not read this fic if you are going to give me grief about it later. Thank you.  
**Distribution:** I must ask that you please do not download or post my fics to other sites. Thank you.  
**Spoilers:** Contains no spoilers.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Iruka made his way down the white streets of Konoha. Everything looked so beautiful. Snowflakes gently fell from a white sky and Iruka felt a sense of peace. The shops in Konoha were all decked out for the Christmas Spirit. They proudly displayed their wares depicting or decorating using snowmen, reindeer, Santa Claus and a little baby Jesus. Traditional tea houses had included hot chocolate on their menus, as it was the season's drink and had become quite a hit with the younger generation. Iruka's gaze wandered up and down the street. This time of the year was simply beautiful and magical and Iruka wished he had a way to remember all the love and joy he felt at Christmas during the lonely periods in his life he knew would come. It would have helped if he had a better half; however Iruka was never someone to force a relationship if it did not happen. He sighed and turned his mind to the other problem that had been plaguing him.

What to get for Kakashi?

The more he thought about it, the harder it was to think of a gift that he could get for the mysterious silver-haired man. Should he get him chocolates? That was a good way to start the whole gift-giving process. But what if Kakashi didn't like chocolates? Or worse, was allergic to them? Iruka cringed. It would not do to get the Copy-nin puffy lips when he was one of the most feared ninja in Konoha only next to Hound-san. But what else could he get him? He racked his brain hard trying to think of a solution.

Tsunade had gone one step further and introduced a parcel sort of system, with a couple of genin being kept in charge. The ninja just had to give his/her parcel with his/her own name to the one of the genin and he/she was assured that the parcel would be delivered safely to their Christmas Child. Tsunade had also anticipated the fact that the genin might have loose tongues and so placed them under one of her own jutsus that made it imperative for their subjects to keep their mouths shut. The genin would then take the gift and pack it in a non-descript brown cardboard box and deliver it to the Christmas Child. Iruka found himself extremely impressed with this system and it just showed how far in advance the Godaime had thought about this entire scenario and it made Iruka ridiculously happy for Konoha to have such a smart Hokage.

He thought back to what he remembered of Kakashi and recalled that one of the things the jounin was famous for was arriving late and then spinning the most atrocious lies on top of it. He grinned to himself. He knew just the thing to gift to Kakashi. It would just take a bit of effort on his part.

* * *

Kakashi was at the Hokage Mountain, looking down on Konoha. The entire village was blanketed in white and he couldn't help but think that it made a beautiful picture. Little houses with their chimneys showing made it look like the landscape was made out of gingerbread. Kakashi could make out the figures of children and adults walking through the streets looking like tiny matchstick men. The local pond had frozen over and a good number of people were on it with skates, slipping and sliding on the ice and generally having a good time. Kakashi could hear their screams of laughter and sighed to himself. He wished that at least once a year, his heart could be light enough to breathe without the heaviness that it felt for the rest of the year. A person needed to have a moment of respite once in a while and Kakashi knew that he was way past wanting that moment; now he desperately needed it. He wished he had someone's chest to bury his face against after a hard day, especially when he ended up with an A-rank or an S-rank mission, which was becoming more frequent these days. He wanted someone to gently run their fingers through his hair and tell him that it was alright. And he desperately wanted a warm body to sleep next to at night, not for physical completion but for soul companionship.

All right! So he knew that he wanted one Umino Iruka.

The question was, did Iruka want him or even like him in that sense?

Iruka was one of the kindest and most gentle people that Kakashi had ever known. He was always ready to help a person in need and never hesitated in putting other's needs before his own. All his students loved him and it said a lot when even till now, each member of Rookie 9 would make it a point to meet up with their teacher and inform him of their progress. It spoke volumes about the man, that his ex-students would voluntarily come to him and update him about their progress. Kakashi didn't know any other teacher at the Ninja Academy, whose students wanted to come back and visit even after progressing so far in their field.

Apart from that, Iruka was always polite and kind to everybody he met. He would treat and be treated with respect among his colleagues, superiors, inferiors and students.

Naruto held the chunin in the highest regard. He would always be talking about Iruka once in a while, especially if he had mastered a particularly difficult jutsu. He knew that Iruka treated Naruto to ramen on and off and always wanted to check up on his favorite student and make sure that he was progressing well. He found it unbelievable as he couldn't believe that there would be anyone alive who could stand the loud-mouthed brat, but then Kakashi supposed it stemmed from the fact that they had both been rendered orphans when young.

It didn't help that Iruka was also mind-blowingly sexy. The chunin had really no idea how attractive he was and was completely oblivious to some of the more heated looks that he would receive from both men and women alike. Iruka had a fine body even if it was on the smaller side. He had an impressive amount of muscle on him but Kakashi felt that the caramel-colored man also had a sense of softness about him. If Kakashi had to pick one person he wouldn't mind snuggling into during the night, Iruka would be the first option without a doubt.

Every time Iruka smiled, Kakashi felt like the heavens had opened and he was finally feeling the warmth of the sun. The chunin's smile was full of joy, as if he didn't have a care in the world and whoever he was smiling at felt like they were the sole reason of his smile. Kakashi had never been a recipient of that smile but he knew for certain that once it was aimed in his direction he would be a goner.

Iruka's dark brown eyes had also been a source of fascination for Kakashi. He was sure that the chocolate orbs had weaved a spell of their own in ensnaring the Copy-nin's own heart. Kakashi had trained himself over the years to have absolute control over his facial features. He never allowed any emotion to pass over his face and his eyes were kept shuttered at all times. It gave him a perpetually disinterested and bored look but Kakashi could have cared less. It helped greatly and gave immense leverage when the enemy didn't think you cared about your own balls being used as pincushions.

Though, one memory would stay in the silver-haired jounin's mind for a long time to come and increase the amount of respect that he had for facial expressions. One day, as he was headed in the direction of the Ninja Academy, he saw Iruka at the Academy grounds. He observed the smaller chunin kneel down and talk to a small girl who, Kakashi guessed, must have been only 5 years old, by her height. Kakashi watched as the tanned man lean into the small girl and offered her words of comfort. She abruptly stopped crying and looked at him with big, watery eyes. He saw Iruka murmur a few more words of comfort and the girl suddenly flung her little arms around the teacher's neck. Iruka didn't seem surprised by it in the least, and in fact leaned into the girl's hug. He then helped the small girl get up and the both of them turned to leave. The small girl suddenly left Iruka's hand and bent down. She then picked up a small flower and held it out to Iruka. _"This is for you, Sensei. Because you helped me feel better. Thank you."_ The little voice had carried over the ground and Kakashi had actually halted in his footsteps. He couldn't believe that Iruka had gotten a five year old to stop crying. On top of that, she had given him a flower for his efforts. It touched Kakashi more than he wanted to admit and his respect for the chunin had immediately gone up.

Kakashi sighed to himself and rubbed his uncovered eye. It wouldn't do well to fall in love with sensei before knowing the first thing about him. As it was, he had enough problems trying to figure out what exactly to give the chunin for his first gift as his Secret Santa. He had thought long and hard about the subject but then came to the conclusion that he didn't want to get the teacher something flashy that he might not feel comfortable accepting or something silly like a box of chocolates. He was Goddamn Hatake Kakashi, the Copy-nin, and Master of a Thousand Jutsus. He could come up with something better than a box of chocolates. Resolved, he performed the hand seals for a teleportation jutsu and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

* * *

Iruka had almost finished wrapping up Kakashi's gift, when there was a loud knocking on his door.

"Iru! You in there?" Shouted a muffled voice.

"Yup, I'm in here. Give me a minute."

Iruka finished putting the finishing touches on his gift and then went to open the door.

"What took you so long, Iru?" Kotetsu asked him.

"Nothing much. Just putting the finishing touches on my Christmas Child's gift. Let's go, I need to give this to the genin on duty." Iruka grabbed his keys and threw on his coat. "Let's leave."

* * *

Kakashi lounged in one of the branches of the bare trees. He was in quite a comfortable position, with his spine resting over the bark and his legs hanging on either side of the branch he was sitting on. When the winter wonderland decided to grace its presence in Konoha every year, all the trees would be shedding their leaves. They would look stark and naked. It was frightening in a sense to see the landscape changed in such a way, but it also brought secure warmth to the heart knowing that after every death there would be life anew in the spring. His Icha-Icha Paradise book was flipped open to a random page but his eye hadn't taken in any of the words. He was busy lost in thought thinking hard about his latest dilemma. Suddenly, as if a visible light bulb had flared to life above his head, he snapped out of his trance and murmured, "I know exactly what gift to get him. I think."

He hopped down from the branch and dusted himself off. "Well, at least I can say it's original if nothing else." He started strolling towards the fabric section of the market. "I really hope he likes it though."

* * *

A couple of hours later, Kakashi headed to the Happy Shinobi. It was quite an oxymoron for the name of a bar but the patrons couldn't have cared less. The bar keep himself was a retired shinobi and he more or less knew how stressful life could get when surrounded by lethal weapons, killing intent and the Hokage's orders. So, he had devised a way to leave all the stress and paranoia behind and had hit upon the brilliant idea of running a bar exclusively for shinobi. The result was The Happy Shinobi.

The Happy Shinobi was quite popular with all ranks and it was quite common to see groups of ninja clustered together over a jug of sake. Ribald jokes ran free, bets were placed with the stakes quite high and the waitresses knew just how much skin to flash before it could be termed indecent. The atmosphere was warm, the food was good and the drinks kept coming without fail. It had a karaoke night once a week and a performance night during the weekends. It was a cozy watering hole for all shinobi alike and they flocked to The Happy Shinobi in droves.

He entered, making his way to the bar and sat on one of the stools, signaling for his usual. The bar keep glanced over to him and nodded.

"So Kakashi, you picked something yet out for your dear Christmas Child." Came a booming laugh behind him. Kakashi turned.

"Asuma, Kurenai," his eye crinkled happily, "Genma."

"Seeing as our dear friend has just entered, methinks he has just finished posting his gift to his Christmas Child." Chuckled Genma slyly.

Kakashi rolled his eye. Trust Genma to know his behavior and habits well enough. "Maa, close enough. I finished sometime back so I thought that I could pop in here for a drink. The horoscope didn't say anything about meeting you'll here though."

"We come under the variety section, to spice up your life." Came the cheeky retort. "Anyway, how are you finding this whole Secret Santa thing?"

"Well, I find it to be okay. It's has its merits but I think that the Hokage really put in a lot of effort for this to be just another bet. We can't even talk about our Christmas Child to other people without getting shocked."

"Tell me about it," grumbled an unhappy Genma. "As soon as I tried to talk to my Christmas Child and tell my Christmas Child who I was, the jutsu activated up and snapped my mouth shut. I couldn't open it up for the next 3 hours. This stupid jutsu really knows how to piss me off."

"You can't open your present either, unless you're in your own home." Kurenai gentle voice floated over the din. "This jutsu that Tsunade-sama has done is extremely powerful. It's really making an effort to make sure that our Secret Santa's stay secret."

"Which is a good thing but also not a good thing." Asuma laughed heartily. "As ninjas, we have an innate curiosity to know every damn thing that happens and doesn't happen. This entire exercise is slowly but surely killing that curiosity."

"Tell me about it," Kakashi sighed. "I'm so frustrated about what to get my Christmas Child since I don't even know my Christmas Child that well."

"Isn't this what Tsunade-sama wanted though?" asked Kurenai. "To make sure all her ninjas get along with each other and get to know each other better."

"Well, I can say that it's definitely working." Genma pointed to the door and Kakashi saw Izumo, Kotetsu, Raidou, Aoba, and Hayate enter. Kakashi's heart stopped and his breath caught in his throat as he spied the last person who entered.

Umino Iruka had just stepped inside from the cold and had the most delectable pink hue on his cheeks from the cold weather outside. Kakashi felt his heart slow down as he took in Iruka's appearance. A few strands of hair had escaped from the ponytail on top of his head, framing his face and giving him a cherubic-like look. His eyes were sparkling in the dim light of the bar and Kakashi felt a swoop in his stomach. He wore a long coat with a scarf around his neck and Kakashi for a second, missed the strip of honey-tanned skin at the nape of his neck. Kakashi noticed that the chunin had worn no mittens and was blowing into his slender fingers to keep his hands warm. Kakashi had a sudden urge to take those hands and suck on each digit, just to make sure that they were absolutely toasty. He shook his head at the notion. Now would not be a good time to think about the different ways he could make love to the younger man six ways from Sunday.

"Oi! Kotetsu! Izumo!" Both the men turned at Genma's shout. "Come on over here and let's get ourselves a table."

The entire group turned to each other and discussed it in low voices, before both the men looked up and grinned. "We would be delighted to join you, Genma-san."

Kakashi, who had forgotten to breathe during the exchange, swiveled on his barstool to face Genma. "What the hell are you doing? You don't just randomly invite people over when they clearly have their own fun planned." He asked in a low voice.

"Shut it Kakashi. At least Tsunade won't jump down our throat because we haven't been making friends with everyone. And I for one would like to be bruise-free before Christmas." Genma hissed through gritted teeth. "At least, think on the bright side. We are getting together in the spirit of Christmas, so shut the fuck up and get into the damn spirit before I shove it down your fucking throat."

Asuma looked amusedly between the two of them before raising his voice and greeting the mix of chunin and jounin loudly. "I think a booth for ten will be good, yes?"

"Oh yes, Asuma-san," said a warm voice. "That would be just perfect."

Kakashi turned his head and saw Iruka looking at Asuma with geniality in his eyes. Immediately, he felt depressed. He wished Iruka would look at him with such warmth and friendliness. But Kakashi knew that the chunin didn't know him well enough to start sending random smiles his way. On-the-spot, Kakashi resolved to try and spend more time with the chunin whenever necessary. He had to get to know his Christmas Child better if he was going to try and win his heart.

Genma's voice broke through his musings as he started flirting rather embarrassingly with the waitress that had ushered them to their booth. Kakashi silently hoped that this evening would end fast and not give him any unnecessary headaches or jealous fits of rage.

* * *

Tsunade looked over the reports that had just come in from a couple of A-rank missions. She spied a headful of white hair from the corner of her eye and made a mental note to go see what the man was doing in the next 15 minutes. Jiraiya had been using her office as a place where he could pen down the draft for his next novel, and heart of hearts, Tsunade didn't mind the company. She would rather have the Perverted Hermit in her office than outside the walls of the Hokage tower, causing trouble and paranoia in the women's bathhouses. Besides, the women of Konoha were developing a sixth sense to the Toad Sage and the frequency of reports about a white-haired peeping tom had only grown in frequency, every visit Jiraiya blessed Konoha with. He may have been the biggest pervert on the planet that she knew, but Tsunade knew that before all of that, he was first her team-mate; one of the last people that she could consider precious after the deaths of her brother and her lover. She knew that wherever they were, they would both be laughing at her for her foolishness, especially after her repeated venting about the Toad Sage to the both of them when they were alive.

The only thing that had unnerved her in this entire arrangement was that Jiraiya had placed a bet to make a fall in love with him. She supposed that keeping her within close range was part of the plan; however, a part of her could not help but scorn at his pitiful, obvious attempts. She snorted at the thought. Jiraiya would have to try harder than keeping her in his vicinity to get into her good books. She supposed it was only fair though, after laughing at his challenge.

An amused smirk quirked at her lips, it was going to be fun to see how Jiraiya planned to make her fall in love with him when he was sitting right under her nose and she was more than perceptive to any sort of tricks might have been under his sleeve. Yes, this Christmas was certainly shaping up to be quite an entertainingly good one.

* * *

Iruka slowly strolled back to his apartment. He had always enjoyed walking in the snow-covered streets of Konoha after dark and he always felt a sense of peace when he saw the seemingly endless sea of snow blanketing the earth. It had just begun to get dark when he had peered outside a window as he was sitting in The Happy Shinobi and he didn't want to wait around in the bar for the rest of his annoyingly drunk comrades to finish. He then remembered that he had classes the next day and so after his second jug of sake, he stood up and announced his intentions to the bawdy group. Kotetsu and Izumo were huddled in a corner, propped up on each other for support, and were singing a risqué song about a geisha who had a vagina under both her armpits. Raidou was sitting and chatting with Genma about the merits of the Sexy no Jutsu when one was fed up of their own physique. Aoba and Hayate were taking turns to recite pithy one-liners that were slowly devolving into sarcastic epitaphs for each other. Basically, no one had paid attention to a word he had just said but that was fine. It made the escape easier and less drawn out. At least, he didn't have to sit through the 'Honorary Departed' speech that Izumo and Kotetsu would take turns giving when any friend of theirs decided to leave a little earlier than the rest. Asuma and Kurenai had left a little while ago, when the red-eyed kunoichi mentioned that she had a mission the next day with her team. Asuma had gone with her to drop her to her apartment. Iruka suspected that there was something going on between the two of them; he just couldn't pinpoint it.

Kakashi was the only person sober enough to talk to, but anti-social tick that he was, he sat reading his dirty, orange porn book. Iruka felt angry and a little hurt. How could he just sit there and pretend to read his book when Iruka was sitting practically next to him with nothing to do except look around the entire bar and get eye-fucked by women and a few stud-muffin men? Iruka was more put than anything. '_So much for my plan to try and get Kakashi to spend time with me_,' he thought glumy. '_How am I supposed to get him to like me when he doesn't want to even talk to me even though I'm the only option available?' _He felt his spirits sink even lower and then abruptly decided that he wasn't going to let his mood be ruined by one Hatake Kakashi. He glanced around, still seeing all his friends in various stages of drunkenness and he determinedly decided to leave. After all, it wasn't like he was going to be missed. He stood up, promptly announced his intentions once again and then looked around to see if anyone had noticed it. To his chagrin, no one had snapped out of their stupor but Kakashi's single eye was trained on him.

"Leaving so soon, Iruka-sensei?" the taller man purred.

Iruka suddenly felt his breath catch in his throat. He dimly wondered if it was the effects of the alcohol scrambling with his brain and then decided it wasn't. "Actually, I do have to get back, Kakashi-sensei. I have classes tomorrow at the Academy."

"You sure you can't stay for a little while more?" said the silver-haired jounin with a caress in his voice.

Iruka felt a dull flush creep up his chest and spread to his neck. There was an exquisite coil in his belly that was just waiting to shoot down his length if the masked man dared to speak again. His hands were already trembling and he was finding it difficult to wrap his scarf around his neck. As he continued to fumble with the scarf, he acutely felt that dark eye trained on him. Swallowing the dryness in his throat, he gave up and loosely held the scarf at his side. He felt a scraping against the wooden floor and turned to go, only to find his nose almost touching the chest of the taller man. Iruka froze. His mind was racing a million miles per hour and he felt the flush crawl from his neck to his face. He was pretty sure that he was looking like a badly sun-burned tomato at the moment. He opened his mouth to ask the jounin what he wanted, when his nose came into contact with a mouth-watering fragrance.

Kakashi smelt of chilies and musk and something purely _Kakashi._

Iruka could practically taste the spiciness of the chilies and the dark primal tang of musk. His mouth watered. He didn't dare look at Kakashi because he wasn't sure what expression would be on his face. Instead, he motionlessly stood, waiting for a reaction from the older man.

"I just wanted to help you put your scarf." the sinful voice murmured. Iruka was sure that it would be haunting his dreams the same night.

Ever so slowly and excruciatingly, Kakashi bent down to remove the scarf from Iruka's nerveless fingers and lifted his hands over the smaller chunin's head.

Iruka felt all the breath leave his body. He watched as Kakashi's strong arms lifted the scarf over his head and for a moment marveled at the power in that strong musculature. Iruka stood extremely still, sensing the scarf make its slow descent behind his head as he looked resolutely forward. In this light, he could see the smooth column of a pale neck that was crisscrossed with tiny silver scars. Iruka realized that he could only see these fine scars at this proximity from Kakashi and had a sudden urge to lick each and every one of those fine scars. He tamped down on that desire and continued to look forward. From this angle, Iruka could also see the fine black cloth covering Kakashi's face. It molded over his jaw and Iruka felt warm puffs of breath hit his nose and forehead. Languorously, he wondered if this is what a cat felt like when it was petted by its master.

Suddenly, kakashi stepped back. "There. All done."

"Thank you so much Kakashi-sensei." Iruka croaked out. "I best be on my way then. Thank you again for your company this evening."

"Maa," the visible eye crinkled happily. "It was my pleasure, although there wasn't much conversation."

Irritated, Iruka felt the need to point out that he himself had been sitting idly for the past hour with nothing to do, while Kakashi sat hunched in his corner reading his porn. Clenching his teeth he bit out, "Goodnight, Kakashi-sensei."

"Goodnight Iruka-sensei."

And that is how Iruka found himself walking out the door of the Happy Shinobi and down the semi-deserted streets of Konoha. He only hoped that Kakashi liked his gift and wouldn't think it too immature. Granted, Iruka may have been a prankster in his younger days, but that did not stop him from enjoying a good joke or playing around once in a while.

He sighed. Finally reaching his apartment, he pulled out his keys and unlocked the door. Stepping inside, he switched on the light and his eye caught on the object lying on his dining table. Alarmed, he gingerly edged closer to it, worried that it might blow up for a second. However as he got nearer, he spied the wrapping paper and let out a sigh of relief. It was only a gift.

Curiously, he picked up the card lying next to the gift and opened it.

_**Christmas Child,**_

_**This is my first gift to you this season. It's small and I made it myself and I hope you won't think I have issues after seeing it. **_

_**Your Secret Santa**_

With anticipating, nervous fingers, Iruka picked up the small package and proceeded to open it. Fumbling over a few pieces of tape, he finally managed to get free of it and unraveled the last bit of paper covering his gift.

Sitting in his lap was a small dolphin plushy.

Iruka's heart flooded with warmth. He gingerly picked it up and examined it. It was a cute blue dolphin with a happy expression, its tail and flippers at an angle to signify its joy. But what actually made Iruka's heart melt was the fact that it had the most adorable Santa cap stitched on its head and a little red and white vest with a tiny Christmas tree sown on one side and sticks of candy cane sown onto the other side. He turned the plushy to view the slope of its tail and found himself looking at the most adorably stitched snowman on the back of the vest. The little dolphin was holding a basket of what looked like cookies and gingerbread men, but Iruka couldn't be sure. It seemed like his Secret Santa had taken a lot of time and effort to make it. It was most definitely a very personal item and he suddenly felt a ripple of heat spiral through him. He was _special._ Special enough for somebody to take the time off to sit and knit him a Christmas themed plushy of his namesake. Iruka couldn't help but feel tingly all over. Someone had taken time out of their busy schedule to stitch him a plushy and he couldn't help but feel extremely fuzzy towards the person. He knew that he had fallen in love with the toy and that his Secret Santa was someone who genuinely cared about him and not as someone as means to an end to finish this game. He couldn't believe that anyone would have the time, much less spend it, on sowing him a plushy. After all, who would waste valuable time over a something that was technically labeled a toy just because he had to be given a gift? His Secret Santa could have given him a box of chocolates or something practical and embarrassing like underwear yet he received a cuddly stuffed toy as the first gift. Iruka had a feeling that he was going to be falling in love with his Secret Santa if the person kept on spoiling him like this. He stood up, toy in one hand and the wrapping paper in the other, and did a little jig. Gleefully, he cuddled the toy to his chest. This Christmas gift had literally and metaphorically warmed the cockles of his heart. The person who had given him this was truly a genuine person who wanted to get to know him better. This was turning out to be a better Christmas than he hoped for. He couldn't wait for the next gift that his Secret Santa gave him.

* * *

Kakashi sat in the bar looking at his drink morosely. He wondered if it was possible to die from humiliation and embarrassment. His depression would surely kill him tonight.

He couldn't believe that his voice died in his throat when he was faced with the prospect of talking to his long-time crush. One look at Iruka when he was swaying deliciously trying to fight off the seduction of alcohol had Kakashi's libido all fired up and ready to go. He badly wanted to slide along the booth until he reached Iruka and hoist him against his lap. The desire to grind against the chunin was too much too handle so Kakashi took out his Icha-Icha Paradise and started reading it. He blinked after a few moments as the words on the page dance in his mind and replaced the busty female lead with tanned, smooth chocolate-colored flesh and the male lead was replaced with himself.

Every time he tried to think of a good opening line to start a conversation, he raised his head only to have his breath catch in his throat. So much for being suave. As Kakashi pondered the number of ways he could get his leaden mouth to start talking, Iruka pulled a fast one on him and decided to make his second announcement to leave for the night.

Kakashi was about to say something when he saw that Iruka was having trouble trying to put on his scarf.

And then he did the singularly most asinine thing he had done that day, besides breaking into Iruka's apartment.

He went and practically molesting Iruka in his haze to help the drunk chunin put on his scarf.

Despairingly, he remembered the wide-eyed look that Iruka had sported, practically fleeing from him after he had arranged the scarf on the chunin's neck. He knew that look. It was the look in the eyes of prey when caught in a fight-or-flight situation. _I didn't think that I could be that bad,_ Kakashi wondered to himself. _Or maybe I could be._ Desolately, he dropped his gaze to the table top and ran his fingers over the indented, grainy wood and groaned to himself. Instead of taking one step forward, he was taking two steps back with his chunin. Sadly, he continued to finger the table top until a voice next to him, brought him out of his musings.

"Kakashi-sensei." A girlish voice called.

Kakashi looked up from the table top to see Moegi next to him. "What are you doing here, Moegi? Is something the matter?" Kakashi asked curiously.

"Nothing's the matter, sensei. I just wanted to drop this off." Saying this, she lifted up a cardboard box and gave it to Kakashi. "It's from your Secret Santa.

A flutter in his chest, Kakashi accepted the proffered box with both hands. "Thanks Moegi."

"No problem, sensei." The girl gave him a wide smile and left.

Hands trembling, Kakashi carefully looked at the box. It was one of those medium-sized cardboard boxes. He had a sudden urge to know what was inside it. Gazing around, he saw that Izumo and Kotetsu were fast asleep in the corner drooling over each other and Aoba and Hayate were nowhere to be found. Rubbing a hand over the masked portion of his face, Kakashi turned around and called out, "Genma."

A terribly busty woman with long brown hair turned to face him with a senbon sticking out of her pouting mouth. Behind her, Kakashi could see Raidou trying to stem off a nosebleed and failing spectacularly. "I'm leaving now, Genma. Continue having your fun. My Secret Santa's gift just got delivered and I want to know what's inside."

"Aww Kakashi." Female Genma pouted. "We were just getting to the good bit." She wobbled her breasts for effect.

"Yes, I'm sure the Godaime would be very interested to know how you managed to replicate her bosom, cleavage and all." Kakashi said dryly. "Anyways, I've had enough of your stupidity. I'm leaving."

Grabbing the cardboard box, he slid out of the booth and performed the hand seals for a transportation jutsu. He disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Reappearing in his modest but clean bachelor apartment, Kakashi set the cardboard box on his favorite sofa and made his way to the bathroom for a bath. Once he finished drying himself off, he put on a pair of black drawstring pants and a t-shirt with a scarecrow printed on it with the tagline, 'Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking.' He padded back to his living room and picked up the cardboard box from the sofa and made his way to his bedroom. Picking up a kunai from the nearby dressing table, he slit open the box and peered inside. He saw a flat package wrapped in paper that had colorful snowmen on it. Chuckling, he removed it from the box. He slit open the package and peered inside. A small note and sheaves of paper that were bound together met his gaze. He carefully opened the rest of the wrapping paper and the note fell out. Intrigued, Kakashi picked it up and began to read.

_**Dear Christmas Child,**_

_**This gift is going to be one of many and I hope you like it. I made it myself and I expect you to use it a lot as I'm quite sure that it will come in handy. May the love and joy of Christmas find its way to you.**_

_**Your Secret Santa**_

Amused and more than a tad bit curious, Kakashi picked up the bundle of papers and read the heading. "Hatake Kakashi's 50 Excuses For Being Late That Are True After All". Kakashi grinned and opened the first page. After a quick scan of its contents, he burst out laughing. He absolutely loved the gift that his Secret Santa had given him and was sure that a lot of thought had gone into it. As he leafed through the sheets, he continued to grin like Naruto on crack and he laughed out loud, feeling more joyous and buoyant than he had in ages. His Secret Santa was one smart cookie to think of such a gift. Kakashi had to give his Secret Santa that much due. But the ingeniousness with which the gift was crafted completely blew him mind away. Kakashi knew that he was a solitary person, and for his Secret Santa to take one of his well-known quirks and turn it into a gift required, brains, smarts and a heap of tact. Kakashi admired all three traits and to find out that his Secret Santa had them in spades was far from a turn-off for him.

Grinning like a fool, Kakashi turned to the first page to look at it again.

**Date: _**

**Time: _**

**I, Hatake Kakashi, was late today because I was helping an old lady cross the road while her cat was stuck in the gutter on the other side.**

**Signature of Old Lady: _**

**Signature of Cat: _**

Kakashi understood that he had to be the one to fill in the date and time and get the signature of the old lady and the cat in order to validate his 'excuse' after being late for a mission or for training. It was the most brilliant gift he had ever received, in ages, and he really wish he knew who his Secret Santa was so that he could thank the person. Kakashi had a contented smile curled up on his lips, as he leafed through the book once again. Phrases like 'used as a test subject for Jiraiya's new novel' and 'had to help the Hokage hunt for her bottle of 20-year old sake' and 'spent my morning climbing the Hokage mountain to rescue an injured bird' and 'was chased by a bunch of geishas for accidently showing them my face'.

Needless to say, Kakashi had a very satisfied sleep that night.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I'm finally done. Thank God. I love you all. Please review. Don't give me grief, only cuddles. Please give me ideas for gifts. Have a great time in preparing for Christmas.


End file.
